Note: This content is from Dr. V's forthcoming book, "Act like an Ally, Work with an Ally" due out in August 2025. Learn more here.
Allyship isn’t a title you claim—it’s a practice you commit to. It’s not about recognition or self-
congratulation, but about showing up, listening, and taking action to support marginalized communities. Too often, we hear people say, “I’m an ally,” as if it’s a fixed identity or personal achievement. But true allyship isn’t about who you are—it’s about what you do.
In this post, we break down the three essential rules of allyship that will help you move beyond performative gestures and into genuine, action-oriented partnership.
Rule #1: Treat “Ally” as a Verb
Many people think of “ally” as a label—a badge of honor that signifies they care about fairness and inclusion. But the reality is, allyship isn’t a title, it’s an action.
Being an ally isn’t about saying you support a cause—it’s about actively engaging in the work. It’s not about being perfect—it’s about being persistent. It’s not about self-promotion—it’s about amplifying others. When we treat "ally" as a verb, it shifts the focus from personal identity to consistent, meaningful action. Allies don’t just talk about change; they work for change. They listen, advocate, and take risks to help others thrive.
A friend once summed up allyship perfectly:"I think I get it. You partner; I ally."
That’s the mindset shift—allyship is about action and partnership, not personal validation.
✅ How to Apply This Rule:
Don’t think of allyship as a fixed status—it’s an ongoing practice that requires effort and growth.
Focus on actions, not just words—support, intervene, and use your privilege to open doors for others.
Be willing to make mistakes, learn from them, and keep going.
Rule #2: Don’t Call Yourself an Ally
Here’s a hard truth: If you’re calling yourself an ally, you might not actually be one.
Allyship isn’t something you self-proclaim—it’s something others recognize in you.
Too often, people call themselves allies while engaging in performative allyship—making public statements of support but failing to take meaningful action. This can include:
🚫 Virtue signaling – Publicly expressing support for a cause but making no substantive contributions.
🚫 Performative gestures – Posting about a social movement but not actually advocating for policy change at work.
🚫 Centering yourself – Speaking over marginalized voices instead of amplifying them.
Instead of saying, “I’m an ally,” try using language that emphasizes ongoing effort, humility, and partnership:
✔ “I’m working to be a better ally.”
✔ “I’m doing my best to act like an ally.”
✔ “I’m partnering with others to create change.”
When you do the work consistently and authentically, others will recognize you as an ally—and that’s when you know you’re doing it right.
✅ How to Apply This Rule:
Let your actions speak louder than your words.
Shift from intentions to impact—what are you actually doing to support marginalized communities?
Accept feedback with humility and be willing to adjust your approach.
Rule #3: Never Ally Alone
Allyship should never be a solo act. Acting alone—without consulting or collaborating with the communities you aim to support—can lead to missteps, misplaced efforts, or unintended harm.
True allyship is about partnership. The most effective allies don’t assume they know what’s best—they ask, listen, and co-create solutions with those directly impacted.
🏛 History proves that meaningful change happens through collective action.
The Civil Rights Movement wasn’t led by one person—it was a coalition of leaders, activists, and allies working together.
The women’s suffrage movement gained momentum through collaboration across generations and communities.
LGBTQ+ rights advancements were achieved through decades of advocacy and allyship from people inside and outside the community.
Allyship isn’t about being a savior or a hero—it’s about listening, supporting, and working alongside others to create systemic change.
✅ How to Apply This Rule:
Collaborate with marginalized groups, rather than speaking for them.
Ask “How can I partner with you?” instead of assuming you know the best course of action.
Connect with other allies to strengthen your impact and sustain momentum.
Final Thoughts: Make Allyship an Everyday Practice
Allyship isn’t about checking a box—it’s a lifelong commitment to action, growth, and advocacy.
By treating “ally” as a verb, rejecting performative allyship, and working in partnership with marginalized communities, you can move from good intentions to real impact.
📩 Ready to bring the message of allyship to your organization? Let’s connect! Reach out to victoria@mattinglysolutions.com to learn more about how we can drive real change together.
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